Here I am, laying in my capsule at a space prison in the airport, with tears streaming down my face.
On the day I had to leave Singapore for Japan, I had a break down because I didn’t want to leave the country I’ve lived my whole life in. I’ve never left sg for more than two weeks before and five months in Japan just sounded so so soo long. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave my friends and family behind and I didn’t want to be forgotten by them either.
Now that those five months have flown past, I’m finally going back home again. I didn’t expect myself to feel this upset, but I felt as sad as I was back when I left sg. And it’s like I’ve come full circle again.
I’ve always disliked finishing a book and would purposely read slower and re-read every sentence towards the end, devouring every letter of it. These few weeks I’ve been doing that a lot, trying to experience and re-experience everything at maximum saturation, spending time with all the friends I’ve made here and friends I’ve gotten closer to through this journey. I honestly can’t imagine that it’s my last time meeting them again and I sincerely wish that we will be able to see each other again, perhaps in each other’s countries, in Japan, or through a chance encounter somewhere in the world. It may happen a few months from now, it may take years, decades, but I hope it does happen.
My chapter here in Japan is ending too soon and time isn’t allowing me to pause and process everything before I move on to the next section of my life. But I don’t want to move on. I wish I could continue staying in this short but seemingly endless dream… For these few months it has felt like my previous self has been replaced by a better person who has been living a beautifully, unimaginably different life…but that soon will fade away. When the heat of reality scorches me tomorrow, I only hope the shadow of my older self doesn’t creep back again along with the rising sun.
I never thought I’d feel such a cauldron of mixed emotions through a few months of exchange in Japan. I never thought I’d get to be friends with the sweetest, funniest, coolest people from all over the world here in Japan. I never thought I’d come to love another country so much. I never thought I’d feel so overly attached to everything I came into contact with here (dorm mates, sg friends, sea chicken onigiri, waseda friends, bidet, random catchy jingles [biiku biku biku biku kamera], comforters).
I will miss you so much, Japan! ❤