Thoughts

The time when something I loved did not love me back.

Being rejected is painful…I remember my first crush ever (that lasted for yeeeears) knew I liked him through a series of embarrassing events and although he never liked me back, I still admired him from afar. It did hurt, and it did last for a long time, but looking back, I don’t think it hurt as much as what I was going to feel a few years later.

When I was 18/19, I was in the school choir. It was quite competitive and we even went for a few overseas competitions. Practice sessions with the conductor gets tense sometimes if we didn’t meet his expectations too. Practice would go up to thrice a week, after school, late into the night (10pm+). ๐Ÿ˜ฅ it was really tiring to have to get home all drained, and force myself to stay awake and finish all my tutorials before having just a few hours of sleep and having to wake up at 5.30am the next day again.

Even though it was really tiring, I still persisted on, because despite all the negative vibes and gossips going on around regarding some uncool people, I liked being in the choir. I loved singing. Since I was young, I have always loved singing. Till now, I still love to sing.

Well…one day there was the singapore youth festival competition for the choir and I only had one chance at being a part of it since it only came once every few years and I would only be in the school for 2 years. We were individually checked to see if we were worthy to participate in it, cause…the conductor would obviously want only the best to join the competition. I worked hard for it, I felt passionate about it, but still…I was the only one in my section, and the only one of two people in the whole choir to not make it in. Everyone else managed to make it. It was one of the most painful moments of my life. To be rejected by something that I’ve always loved. To come to terms that I suck at something I love. I cried in the toilet for awhile *sobs* lol, and back then I didn’t even realize I liked singing that much to cry about it.

It’s been a few years since then. I haven’t joined any choir since leaving that school and entering university, but near the start of this year, I finally plucked up the courage to go for vocal lessons at a music school. It’s been a year, and I’ve made some progress, but tbh I think I still kind of suck. But it’s okay. Singing makes me happy, and it’s something I can see myself doing till I’m old. I have like 50 years to be good at it. And even if I’m still not, it’s still alright, because I would’ve learnt a lot about myself through the process of learning to control and love my own voice. So here’s to lifelong learning.

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4 thoughts on “The time when something I loved did not love me back.

  1. I’m so glad you didn’t give up on singing. I’ve loved to sing since I was about 10 years old. I’d listen to “The Sound of Music” album over and over, singing with Julie Andrews. It wasn’t until I was in my 40s that I started singing in public through church. But regardless of who I sang in front of, singing has always soothed me, or energized me. Music is like magic, so keep on singing!

    Like

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