Thoughts

Slump.

Even though I tried hard to think positive since the night before (perhaps too hard), I felt quite the opposite today and was pretty much feeling lethargic, distracted, out of it and quite stressed out. It could be the effects of the many days of holiday (from chinese new year), which temporarily threw me off my momentum.

Throughout the day, I was daydreaming and looking forward to 2 days later when I would have a ‘free’ day to myself (which isn’t really free cause I gotta work on my essay), then dread the not-so-free day, and look forward to the weekends, then dread tuition on weekends and the next coming data collection days after that. I’d look further and dream about when I would be done with data collection, be done with thesis…, be done with school…and dread working.

This is obviously an unhealthy cycle which was a huge habit of mine in the past (also now), and which I’ve been trying to kick. If I dreaded each moment of my present and even my future, in a flash I’d have finished up my whole lifespan living in a vicious negative cycle, looking forward to things that don’t exist only to dread them when they do, and dreading things that don’t exist only to find out there was no need for worry after all. I don’t want to count down the days to *insert supposedly happy event here*. I want to appreciate every moment of my life, even those seconds I spend doing work!!!

In the end, despite all my self-pressure, today turned out pretty great despite some mishaps here and there. I exceeded my expectations and collected data from 3 patients instead of 2 today. (Each one takes about 2-3hours!)

Things will go smoothly again tomorrow! And I’m going to make the most out of my day when doing work, because I’m gonna be spending pretty much my whole day working tomorrow (8am-5pm+ collecting data, then 7pm-9pm teaching at a tuition centre). But I will give my all and enjoy it! /much self persuasion there.

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