Thoughts · work

First day jitters

It’s two more days to my first day of work at my first ever full time job out of university. 

I’m feeling soooo nervous and anxious and worried! Many what-ifs and dreadful scenarios come to my mind…mostly social situations because they always unnerve me the most. What if the people are work aren’t friendly? What if I can’t find anyone to eat with at lunch? Who will inform me of my tasks for work?

Will I be able to survive 9.5hours of work each day+3 hours of travel, and still manage to make time for myself at night to exercise/do creative things/work on side projects while keeping in touch with friends, family and lover?

I have no idea!!!! But, despite feeling the fear creeping up on me, deep inside I still have the belief that everything will work out in the end. Even if times get tough, with my own strength and with others’ love for me, I will pull through this in the end too.

One thing I’ll really miss is letting go of all the free time I’ve had as a student. I usually manage my time well due to my crazy efficiency, so I would always have stretches of free time to do my own thing. But now that I’m required to dedicate almost all of my wakeful hours to work, I’d have to say goodbye to those free days now. :'(… 

I honestly prefer a workplace that prioritizes efficiency and quality over the amount of time clocked into work. So as long as we’re done with the task, we can leave. In my previous job/internship as a temporary admin/research assistant, I did my tasks fairly quickly, faster than I was assigned more tasks, so I had a lot of time to waste away while waiting for the clock to hit 5pm. Other full time staff were also seen scrolling facebook and shopping online too. (In trying to make better use of my time there though, I spent my free hours downloading and reading research papers related to the sector, although I still felt like I was skiving off and had to look out for when my bosses come in on me). 

Unfortunately, most workplaces still work on a time-based system…and I’m not sure how a task-based system would calculate the pay and terms either. 

Well, it’s also stupid of me to be worrying about having a job, since I was also as worried and stressed about not being able to find one. It’s like either way, I’m still stressed out about my situation, so the problem kind of lies with me. I guess it’s normal to feel first day of work jitters. (I also feel slightly scared because I’ll be taking an immunization jab the first thing when I arrive to work lolol).

When I read this post again after having overcome the mental turmoils of my first day, I hope I get a good laugh at myself and realize that there was nothing to worry about!

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