Thank you 2016.

1. What did I do/create/experience that I’m really proud of?

• I had the most amazing exchange experience in Japan, where I met people from all over the world, realized how huge and how much potential the world actually held, and how the tiny problems I faced wasn’t really that big of a deal. I also learnt that I am always going to be under stress and face obstacles whereever I go, even while on the best time of my life. So I might as well enjoy the moments, focus less on what’s uncontrollable, and more on what I can actually change.

 

• I started eating more healthily, exercised more regularly, and (towards the later half of the year) adopted a more positive mindset towards life. I now have the habit of waking up earlier than I usually would so I’d have time for breakfast. During breakfast or while putting on makeup, I’d watch motivational/inspiring videos giving useful tips on how to improve on a particular aspect of life. My two favourite channels on YouTube so far are by Marie Forleo and Practical Psychology. Watching these videos first thing in the morning really helps to trigger a more positive attitude to go ahead with my day. Being positive is still definitely a work in progress, one that I plan to follow for life. (In fact, I might be taking a positive psychology class for my last module next semester before graduating!)

 

• I picked up a bunch of different things – piano, singing, skateboarding, driving, a new language (Indonesian), teaching and adopted a more open mind towards the arts. I still have a long way to go in playing the piano, and I haven’t touched it in a few weeks (oops). As for singing, I need to practise it more by myself and ignore the judgments from my mum. After half a year, I still love skateboarding. I’d like to learn to ollie by next year, and also dare to practise more outside without caring about being judged by others. I passed my driving test a few days ago, so I’m finally a certified driver after deciding and registering for the course in July! I don’t plan on continuing learning Indonesian, but I’d love to practise it overseas! When I start working and supporting myself, I’d like to continue learning Japanese. I also resumed teaching, during an internship stint, private tuition and I am currently teaching at a tuition centre. I love to teach, although I may not be good at it. Do you think with time I’d really get better though? D’: I’m also not sure if I should continue with it when I start working, but I am leaning more towards a yes. I’d be busier, but I’d also have additional income and it adds extra spice to my life. It’s strange how I self-declare that I’m awkward with people, but I enjoy jobs that deal with people (well, maybe not sales). I feel that life becomes much more interesting and time passes really quickly when talking to and becoming lost in people.

 

2. What mistakes did I make that taught me something? What lessons did I learn that I can leverage?

• During mid-year, I fell into a rabbit hole, partly/mostly because things didn’t go as planned, my internship (which I was really proud and happy to clinch and which I gave up other equally amazing opportunities for) unexpected got cancelled at the last minute, and I was left hanging with no slots left from the other opportunities I previously rejected. I decided to take up part-time jobs and hobbies, but I was really picky with the jobs I wanted, and felt so much anxiety in actually going through with them, giving myself a lot of excuses and flaking out on them last minute. I avoided meeting friends, and just wanted to stay home all day every day and hide under my blanket. I cried almost every night, I felt useless and unneeded, my acne waged a war on me due to these crazy emotions which plummeted my self-esteem to negativeness. All this was happening while I tried really hard to get my life back together. I was learning piano, singing, signed up for driving classes, started an internship…and for a long while nothing seemed to change; in the day I’d dread going about all my activities and at night I’d cry myself to sleep. A couple of times I dared to think about death (coming from me – who’s a scaredy cat regarding death). Slowly though, as things started to come together, I managed to get a short one-month internship and school was starting again, meaning I’d have academically/career-related things to do (instead of my random hobbies which seemed to be going nowhere), I started to feel better, and better, and a lot better. I had to consciously try to think positive, give myself some positive pep talk whenever I feel myself being negative again, and constantly put in lots of effort into being positive. Being positive is definitely hard. But the results are so so worth it, and who knows, maybe one day it could be as natural as breathing.

 

• Health. Every week/2 weeks or so, I’d get this annoying cold which makes me feel dreadfully tired, and my nose just leaks non-stop. It gets in the way of my studies, work, play…practically my daily life. I have no idea what to do with it. I might have to go back to using the nasal spray again (I used to use it every day as a child as I have sinus)… and I have no idea what triggers it. Could it be stress??!?! Anyway, I really need to take more care of my health instead of overwork/overplay myself sometimes. Almost everyday I go to bed feeling so fatigued despite having about 6-8hours of sleep (I might need 9-10hours actually heh)…I’m act like an old person!

 

• Relationships. Since I have so much random stuff going on in my life, it’s hard to plan a specific timeslot to meet up with friends, so I mostly go about all my lessons and work/studies alone. I only meet up with Mitch about 1-2 times a week, even during the holidays, and only for a few hours after my stuff. 😥 Sometimes I may be unwilling to give up the free rest days I have to myself (because they’re so rare), and sometimes I have that annoying cold/illness that prevents me from going out and having a proper time. I also wish to save money which is so difficult to do during social events. But one thing I’d like to work on is forging closer relationships with my friends. And also making new friends that’d stick. And also disclosing more about myself and my feelings instead of keeping them in sometimes. Finally, I’d like to visit my grandmother more as she was the one who mainly took care of me since I was a baby (due to busy working parents).

3. What am I willing to let go of? 

• I’m willing to let go of negativity in my life. Negative people who hold me back, including my own negative thoughts. However I’d like to simply let go of them, instead of resent them and allow them to make me angry/be affected by such people. I’m not sure whether I can achieve this in a mere year, as it seems like something only attainable by wise old people though. But I’d prefer to surround myself with people who want to see me grow and who I can grow together with!